There is nothing like the process of letting go. Over a month into the KonMari clear-out, I am feeling lighter and frankly more naked. The more I purge those things that were falsely protecting me, the more vulnerable I feel. As you know from my last blog, I’m an attacher, so the detachment process has been uncomfortable for me. But as layers of paper are shredded and recycled, I begin to see the other attachments I’ve been holding onto, grasping at (love this visceral and visual word – thanks CREATE) that frankly have been limiting my possibilities. Basically, I’ve been saying to God, the Universe, the Divine, “Hey, yeah, I have lots of desires, um, so give them to me, but just so you know, I’m going to resist you at every turn and probably believe the worst and take it personally if it doesn’t go my way.” That is why it can sometimes take a girl 7 years to achieve her goal of being cast on Network TV. It is hard for me to believe, but looking back I can see that the Universe has been conspiring to support me and covertly I’ve been sabotaging, hiding, averting, distracting wherever I can. Part of that is that I am holding on for dear life to the familiar unworthiness in my heart, when all I need to do is choose to identify with the light. Natalie reminds us in CREATE that we are only one thought away – I see that, but sometimes that one thought, that one step seems like a huge leap. I am thankful for this time and will continue the process of clearing out, knowing that in this nakedness, I am found.
June 01 2016