Anna Nugent

As the wind whips around and the rain falls chaotically, I think about the times when on the inside I have felt a similar storm shaking me to the core. Sometimes it is so clear that the turmoil is created in our own minds, but sometimes it feels that it is all from outside circumstances and we feel helpless. Reflecting back though, I see more and more that the inner struggle stems from my desire to alter what is and the utter frustration that I can’t change circumstances or make things better for the people I love. What happens then when we accept what is, those horrendous, frightening, frustrating circumstances and say simply “it is so”? Does that mean then that we are giving permission for the “bad” things to reign? This is a tricky area I think, because accepting is not the same thing as permission. From the outside they can look identical. I think about a number of men that I know who are in custody struggles for their children – all of them lovely fathers. I see them trying to find the right balance between standing up for their children and their right to have their fathers present in their lives and laying down the fight so that the child can be left out of a battle and have peace. Neither seems like the “right and just” response. And sometimes when we are in the thick of it, we cannot even see the other possibilities, it feels like we are fighting for our own lives.

But here is the truth. This storm will pass. You can choose to shout and struggle and yell at the heavens or you can recognize the storm for what it is; put on a jacket, hat and rain boots and do your best to keep walking. To some that may seem really difficult, and it is and it isn’t. The only thing standing between you and the calm is yourself – your choices, your thoughts. And boy can that be a frustrating notion. I know that I hate getting out of the way myself, especially when I feel I am in the right and justified. Without even being aware I put down my feet and resist what is as it is not what I want it to be. Eventually, and on some issues it has taken me years, I can see my stroppy teenager holding court and when it is that clear it becomes easier to say, “okay, we can let go of this fight, it is what it is.” And with that comes such relief, and also usually tears, because I was so attached to the way I thought things should be, that unbeknownst to myself I was expending unconscious energy willing the world to be different. I’ve always wanted superpowers, but telekinesis is not yet a skill of mine. Surrendering one’s will and accepting what is can be a powerful step to reconciliation and a huge step towards accepting love. And if you’re feeling really brave you can even be thankful for the circumstances of the storm. Everything changes when you are no longer spending your energy on willing things to be different. Your whole life changes when you look at it from a place of gratitude.

If you are currently in a storm, know that even this storm will pass and gently give yourself a break from the struggle. Feel the rain whipping around you and the wind caressing you and release the fight.

Adele “Make You Feel My Love”–Ng

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