Home Sweet Home

Standard

What is home? You’ve heard that “home is where your heart is” or maybe where you’re born. Maybe it is where you grew up or where you live now. Some find home in other people or in a feeling. I’m not sure I know exactly what it is, but I know for sure that I’m now more at home than I have ever been.

I think part of that might be that I’ve landed. For the first time in my life I’m just here. Present. I recently had to submit for Garda vetting (that’s like a background check) and included in the application was a list of every address I’ve lived at since birth. I had to ask my mother for help, because though I remember the apartments, duplexes and homes and the situations around living in each place, I couldn’t recollect all of the addresses. In the end I counted 18 (and this may not include temporary accommodation here and there). On average that is 2.3 years per address, however my last apartment was 10 years and my first room in Dublin was 4 years, so there was a time where it was nearly a new address every year. My parents were great when I was younger to keep us in the same schools and with the same friends as we went from place to place, I know it wasn’t an easy feat. So I don’t think I ever looked at where I lived as potentially permanent. I always planned to move out at 18 and then I knew I was likely to move out of Grand Rapids after college and then I thought I’d come back to the States at some point for my career, but I didn’t expect it to be for more than 3 years.

This last move has been different. Though we are not yet in permanent accommodation, I am home. I’m not Irish, but this is where I have come, with my husband to join our friends and colleagues to build a theatre. Theatre is home. Ireland is home. Paul is home. It is interesting, in the same way committing to marriage is interesting – you gain so much by forsaking all others and saying with conviction I do. I do commit to building this dream, here in this place. You don’t know where life will lead, but you are firmly on a path and you can breathe.

The Gift of Getting Hit by a Car

Standard

What? How can getting hit by a car be a gift? It has taken me many years to forgive the unknown gentleman who hit me, but now I am able to wish the mystery man well and hope he is living sober and free. Even as the ambulance was taking me away, I was able to look up and laugh. “Okay, I get it, you want me to slow down. I read you loud and clear.”

See, I’m a doer. There is nothing I love more than getting things done, feeling noble and accomplished. But sometimes doing comes at a cost. Often I can get so caught up in the doing that I lose sight of the reasons behind the doing. I’m so busy (read important) that I easily move off course and out of alignment. Over the years I’ve learned that a bit of inspired, focused, action is far better than a day/week/month full of busy work (even goal-oriented busy work). But even with this lesson learned, the siren song of “doing” calls and I feel compelled to desperately do.

Far more effective? Be, just be present. From the same goals, stop, center and listen for the next action to take. The step may not be as direct as you thought it would be, it may seem completely unrelated, but that is the step to take. My husband and I just made a big move and are currently looking for housing. I know the goal, have visioned our new home and still cannot seem to resist spending hours a day on housing apps. I’m pretty confident that the place that is waiting for us will come to us through a friend or unexpected source, but yet I cannot trust and feel safer taking control and doing. Yesterday after my meditation it became very clear that I needed to take a break from the obsessive searching. I deleted the apps and am feeling more at peace. A little anxious with the unknown, but happy to not be whittling away my time each day on something that is already being taken care of. Maybe one day my action will be to check a site and request a viewing, but for today at least my action is to go to a film festival and support a friend!

On our way back from the Galway Film Fleadh 2016

On our way back from the Galway Film Fleadh 2016